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This tongue-in-cheek film is filled with hilarious scenes and will have your kids quoting lines of dialogue for years to come. The novelty here, already widely commented on while the film was in production, is Disney’s first openly gay character, MacGregor. Leaving aside the outcry over the casting of an actor who identifies as heterosexual, Brit comedian Whitehall is a likable presence, even if his posh blathering makes him more of a familiar type than a distinctive character. MacGregor’s account to Frank of his bumpy family history, being disinherited after refusing various suitable marriage opportunities because his interest lay “elsewhere,” is played unambiguously. But his gradual transformation from stuffed shirt into plucky adventurer is strictly by-the-numbers.
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We see no blood, but given the blades involved, there’s no doubt as to the fates of these unfortunates. Someone nearly tumbles to her death during the melee, as well, but instead lands safely on a double-decker bus. Before diving into water, Lily strips down to her modest 1916-era skivvies.
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With the arrival of Zack Snyder's latest Rebel Moon chapter on Netflix, we rank every one of the director's films—from bad to, well, less bad—by Metascore. Like Vogon poetry, the plot of Disney’s “Jungle Cruise” is mostly unintelligible and wants to beat you into submission. Manically directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, this latest derivation of a theme-park ride shoots for the fizzy fun of bygone romantic adventures like “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (1981). That it misses has less to do with the heroic efforts of its female lead than with the glinting artifice of the entire enterprise. Family audiences looking for a lighthearted quest movie can’t go wrong with Onward. This animated Pixar classic follows the exploits of two brothers who are trying to complete a magic spell that will allow them to spend 24 hours with their late father.
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It wants to have your cannibal-natives cake and critique it too, at least in theory. Paul Asay has been part of the Plugged In staff since 2007, watching and reviewing roughly 15 quintillion movies and television shows. He’s written for a number of other publications, too, including Time, The Washington Post and Christianity Today. The author of several books, Paul loves to find spirituality in unexpected places, including popular entertainment, and he loves all things superhero. His vices include James Bond films, Mountain Dew and terrible B-grade movies.
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It opened along with the original Disneyland way back in 1955, and countless guests line up to experience its charm—the animatronic animals, the wisecracking captains, the “backside of water”—every year. And while it has undergone its share of revisions (redesigning the boats and stripping the scenery of some uncomfortably racist elements), the ride that 7-year-olds experience today isn’t that much different from the ride their parents might’ve loved decades before. The Tears themselves were a gift from the gods, it’s suggested, and Frank named his boat after the goddess of the moon (Quilla, an actual Incan deity). The history of the tears is filled with magical happenings and elements, too, including a very effective curse. Apart from that, though, there is little apparent hope of an afterlife, but rather eternal rest.
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It never slows down long enough for viewers to get to know the characters, nor does it speed up enough to achieve a decent pace. Yes, the Tears of the Moon make a tantilizing bedtime story—one that Lily banks on being much more. But before this jungle cruise is over, she might be shedding a few tears of her own. Of all the longtime favorite rides of the Disneyland theme parks, the Jungle Cruise, introduced in 1955, is among the most enduringly captivating. Those central elements survive in Disney’s big-screen offshoot, though just barely, given the writers’ assiduous efforts to drown them in overplotting.
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But for him, he needs to be closer to someone to truly care for them—and he’s been looking for that connection for a while now. “One person to care about in this world—that’s enough for me.” Which is also a nice sentiment. Madcap adventure is given a comic twist in the cult classic The Princess Bride.
He’s married, has two children and a neurotic dog, runs marathons on occasion and hopes to someday own his own tuxedo. The inspiration for Jungle Cruise isn’t found in ancient legend or turn-of-the-century storybook, but rather a ride—the beloved Jungle Cruise ride found at most Disney parks. If only the core charms that have given the Disneyland ride such longevity weren’t so smothered by overstuffed plot. Compared to other attempts to turn theme park attractions into fresh revenue streams, it’s not as lifeless as The Haunted Mansion or Tomorrowland.
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On The Zambezi Queen, off shore activities such as a water based game-drive, fishing and bird watching are available, as well as on shore activities such as getting up close and personal with local village life in Namibia. A cruise along the Kinabatangan River offers a glimpse into the unexplored and unique wildlife and rainforests of Borneo. The Kinabatangan River, which is the longest river in Sabah, provides a unique and rich ecosystem.
By the time Lily and fussbudget toff MacGregor reach the Brazilian port that will be their embarkation point, I was already growing restless. Though kids are the target demographic, anyone older is likely to spend a lot of time thinking about the superior films being ransacked here for ideas, among them Raiders of the Lost Ark, Romancing the Stone and The African Queen. But the Disney brand and the Rock factor should ensure a sizable audience. The supporting cast is stacked with overqualified character players.
Johnson can make nearly any character likable; here, Frank's silly, punny jokes are also a fun nod to the Disney ride's vibe. Lily bucks social mores of the time by having a job and a Ph.D., knowing how to defend herself, and even wearing trousers (Frank calls her "Pants"). She also has a refreshingly close relationship with her brother, who's posh and fussy but is still willing to follow her into murky, life-threatening situations. Other members of the cast are underused -- like Paul Giamatti as a local riverboat mogul and Edgar Ramirez as head conquistador Aguirre -- or they overact, like Plemons' caricature of a sociopathic German villain, Prince Joachim. Exploitation director Greg McLean chooses a numbingly middling approach to tell this true exploration story; the movie is too blunt to be sympathetic but also too careful to be thrilling. Even as Jungle begins with its most innocuous scenes, McLean adopts a short attention-span approach, cutting every couple of seconds and creating a monotonous rhythm, a blur of movements and events.
Paul Giamatti plays a gold-toothed, sunburned, cartoonishly “Italian” harbor master who delights at keeping Frank in debt. Edgar Ramirez is creepy and scary as a conquistador whose curse from centuries ago has trapped him in the jungle. Jesse Plemons plays the main baddie, Prince Joachim, who wants to filch the power of the petals for the Kaiser back in Germany (he's Belloq to the stars' Indy and Marion, trying to swipe the Ark).
There are several actions that could trigger this block including submitting a certain word or phrase, a SQL command or malformed data. He and the animal wrestle in a bar for a bit (threatened by a nearby tarantula and scorpion, who just minutes before had been locked in an apparent fight-to-the-death). A couple of guys get whacked in their privates (momentarily disabling them). People comically run into various hard surfaces, knocking them down or, in one case, plunging from a zip line. People are bitten by snakes, and at least a couple seem to die from the bites. The movie opens in earnest in London, where a villain quickly and cartoonishly dispatches a number of bearded scientists.
He must be brave, too, living as he does in this little-explored jungle. Those petals would’ve been nice, given all the diseases that Conquistadors introduced to the New World, but no matter. Aguirre and his cohorts disappeared in those Brazilian jungles long ago, and the Tears of the Moon faded into barely remembered myth—a bedtime story for a few, perhaps, but nothing more.
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